dark_parablesfandomcom-20200216-history
Talk:The Match Girl's Lost Paradise/@comment-26764939-20180808185105/@comment-25449407-20180809014630
Well, as for me, I'm here basically all the time, I just respond only when I'm really interested in the topic and have something to say. I can see that some editing of TMGLP-related stuff is going on, and I do appreciate that you're doing it :) and as to why I myself am not editing, confession time: do any of you remember when I decided to clean up the categories around here? I made some edits, then made a forum post to ask others' (mostly admins') opinion on my ideas about further reorganising categories. There were no replies (ok, there was one, but, again, I was looking to hear what the admins would say). Which... ok, I know I am irrational, but my natural reaction to this is to assume either that no one cares enough (which, ok, no one has to care, but it does make me lose inspiration) or that the silence is a subtle way of telling me that my actions are annoying and unnecessary (which, again, I know it's irrational of me to think that, but I can't prove to myself that it's not the case, and without proof, my brain continues being irrational). And so, you know... I am not blaming anyone here. Like, I do logically/rationally know that the lack of reaction to my forum thread could just as well mean "we have no objections, continue doing your thing", but emotionally, it's hard to believe that. And so I kind of... got offended, deleted my document with lists of categories and further organisational ideas and decided, whatever, it's better not do things no one cares about or supports me doing, it always ends in me being disappointed and not finishing anything. And since then I haven't really been editing anything, because I know myself, and I know that a few successful edits will cause me to want to focus on the wiki, to make another plan or system for doing something big, and it will then fail in the same way. So... gotta learn to not do this, I guess. *shrugs* Trust me, I know I'm being extremely irrational. Again: I am not blaming anyone. I do not think that anyone did anything objectively wrong or unfair by not responding to my thread. No one has to apologise or anything like that. Honestly. But I have emotions, I don't need a rational reason to have emotions, I'm still allowed to have them, and my irrational emotions are such that it hurts me when no one cares about things I'm doing. *cries* I'm an idiot. I'm a giant idiot, I know. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have written this comment. Do you know why I'm writing it? Because I'm hoping that someone will reply and prove to me that my editing is welcome and needed, and maybe I will get inspired again, and maybe I will go back to the category thing, and finish it, and feel like I can accomplish something in my life. Ugh. I'm so sorry for making this comment, but... do you know why I'm really writing it? I feel like it's probably right for my mental health to stop sulking over here hating myself and to actually tell people how their actions make me feel. This approach, unfortunately, has always backfired in my face when applied to my family or anyone I've ever considered a friend, but maybe this time it won't. Or next time it won't. Because there must be someone who will appreciate my being honest, right? Ugh. I'm so, so sorry for this. But I'm not gonna delete it. *posts*